Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
