well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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