Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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