when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
