I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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