Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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