Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
