did you get engaged???
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize