I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
This is my life. Enjoy the view
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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