I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
