I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
