Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
