i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
