We're facebook friends in real life
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
