He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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