i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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