Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize