and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
