i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize