peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize