U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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