Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
