I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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