I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
