I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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