i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
