GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
