I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
