there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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