Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
pop tarts are not kleenex
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
