I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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