I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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