we have officially lost it.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
