I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
