yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize