This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
