He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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