false alarm. still invincible.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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