Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize