Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Randomize
