the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
