butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
