dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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