I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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