you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
