saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
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