I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
