chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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