After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
