East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
