so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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