On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize