well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
