real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
