i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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