just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
And then he peed in my hair
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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