I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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