The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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