i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
