He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize