So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
