I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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