you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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