I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
