worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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