HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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