and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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