We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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