I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
