ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
