i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
