Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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