Cold hands, warm shart.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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