I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
