i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize