Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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