I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
