he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
