did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
