So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
