Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I AM VODKA MAN
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
