We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
