An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
