someone owes me an orgasm
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's rum buckets o'clock
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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