Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
