Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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