Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
