Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
