I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
