so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
