The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
