I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
