yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
