I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize