Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
