I hate all girls vehemently.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
