i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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