No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
