Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I need to stop coming to work sober
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just high enough for therapy.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
