I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
