No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
