But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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