We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
pop tarts are not kleenex
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
