So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
