...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
