Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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