Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
