im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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