i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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