i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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