ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
