and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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