I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
