I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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