I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We're too hungover to prance.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
