why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
