Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I need to calm my uterus...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
