i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
