i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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