I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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